The Archive of Biffo

Blogger’s Cut

28 January 2008, 17:48:39 | Biffo

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Review of the Year

21 December 2007, 00:32:29 | Biffo

Also, further in my defence, I’ve been busy totting up the scores, and 2007 has been the most tumultuous year I’ve ever had, as far as work goes. Just get a load of this, fatty:
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The Monster Books of Fun

30 November 2007, 15:14:43 | Biffo

Just so’s you know, the CFZ is a non-profit organisation, and all proceeds from the expedition report will go to finance future expeditions. Plus it’ll be a good read either way, and give you some insight – from the real monster hunters’ perspectives – as to how they thought the expedition went. The book will be published in early 2008, but you can pre-order your copy here.

Talking of the other book, I’m in desperate and quite urgent need of a title. I’m looking for something a bit Boys Own-y, a bit Alan Quatermain, a bit The Lost World. Something pulpy, like Quest for the Valley of the Something Something. You know the sort of thing: a title that explains exactly what the book is. Ie: me fannying around the world in pursuit of monsters for a year.

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Toe Hell and Back

31 October 2007, 10:10:09 | Biffo

So, it’s off to the doctor’s this evening, for some antibiotics, and/or some sort of special toe-mending cream, in the hope it’ll get better before I leave – and in time to bust the back of my boots.

Nicely, tonight I get to see the lovely Doctor Beverley, rather than the evil Doctor Rhodes, who has a tendency to make you feel like you’re always wasting his time. Even if I went in there with my entrails hanging out of my shirt he’d probably sigh, rub the bridge of his nose, and snap “What do you want me to do about it?!!!!!?“. And then slap me around the face and neck with his stethoscope, before marching around the office, honking like a walrus.

In slightly better news, I’ve been told to bulk up for the trip. We will quite literally be existing on starvation rations for a fortnight – save for however many bags of pick n’ mix I can fit in my pack and gob – so I can, for now, eat like an absolutely ruddy pig.

You know: just for a change. Ahem.

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Toe Jam

30 September 2007, 16:39:39 | Biffo

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Strong Gusts

31 August 2007, 15:42:30 | Biffo

Another two scenes from Now The Weather here. This roughly follows on from the previous extract, and features Peter the sports presenter – whose constant repetition of the same conversation proves to be an endless source of irritation for Gideon – and the first mention (in these extracts anyway) of Martin Trilby, the newsreader whose job is coveted by Gideon.
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Tour! Tour! Tour!

31 July 2007, 09:16:43 | Biffo

Among the other lurid treats promised by the virtual book tour are at least three brand new LoopyLisa chat transcripts (one of which you’ll be able to read on Emma’s blog tomorrow), two exclusive interviews with Lisa (one of which is entirely about sheds), an interview with me courtesy of young Scaryduck, a fairly in-depth article on the writing of the book, aaaand… some other stuff. And I got interviewed for the Pod3.tv arts show.

If I get the time, I’ll also be updating this blog with even more new LoopyLisa chats that you won’t be able to read anywhere else.

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Home Time

27 June 2007, 12:06:31 | Biffo

I’m a real places snob, and I take against towns and cities within seconds of stepping off a train or a plane. Manchester and Glasgow have a nice vibe about them, and emanate that essential places-I-could-conceivably-live vibe, along with New York, Brighton, and Kiev.

Places that I don’t like include: Leeds, Sheffield, Blackpool, and Munich.

I have never been anywhere else other than these places (NOTE: This is not strictly true).

Right. That’s all you’re getting for today. I’m going to go and pretend to be doing something important.

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New Lisa Life

31 May 2007, 21:44:07 | Biffo

LoopyLisa

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The Most Exciting Day at School

30 April 2007, 16:13:20 | Biffo

I was sat at my desk when I heard a rustling from the pile of rubbish beside me (I say rubbish, but I actually mean “pile of excellent stuff, which includes a rubber afro wig, a radio control Dalek, a month-old copy of Heat, the slipcase for my Watchmen Absolute Edition, the slipcase for my copy of Star Wars Chronicles, a very old bottle of mineral water, a Borat swimsuit, and loads of bits of paper that really should have been thrown out four years ago“).

I thought it was the dog sniffing around for food, but it was in fact a pigeon, apparently building itself a nest out of my excellent stuff. Suffice to say, the sight of a pigeon beside my desk almost caused me to swear very loudly, but – remembering my children were nearby – I managed to dilute my profanity to the inexplicable “Blooding fripps – there’s a pigeon!”.

The sheer volume of my un-expletive caused the pigeon to panic, and run behind my desk. Thus ensued a semi-comical 15 minutes wherein my terrified family sheltered in the garden – fearing they would contract bird flu – while I attempted to flush out the bird. Even when it did emerge, it refused to take to the air, and I sort of had to usher it towards the back garden by flapping an apron at it.

This is the second uninvited bird I’ve had to remove from the house, joining an univited cat, an univited dog, and the uninvited escaped mental patient who tried to climb over our back gate at 6am one morning. We also once had a bat in our chalet on holiday. That freaked me out more than the lot of them put together; escaped mental patients I can handle.

Well, I say “escaped mental patients”, but the term the police used was “trolley”. Give me a trolley over a bat any day.

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Deadline Clever

30 March 2007, 17:28:48 | Biffo

This week, I have missed two deadlines.

It’s entirely my own fault for promising to deliver when – having worked non-stop, including most weekends, since early January – I really needed a fortnight off. Consequently, I’ve sat in front of the computer all week, and just done nothing except bloody my knuckles against the bottom of the creativity barrel.

Currently, I’m supposedly meant to be writing up a treatment for a potential sitcom based around two very big comedy names, as well as writing an much-delayed episode of a cartoon called Supernormal, gathering my thoughts for a meeting at the BBC about something new (and not-comedy), and preparing for something important to do with Too Much Too Young.

I’ve made headway with some of it, but it has all been a bit like raising the Titanic using a length of twine, and a couple of party balloons. Couple that to the usual post-project comedown, and I feel a bit like a spent coconut, bobbing in a sea of malaise.

Twice yesterday my brain shut-down mid-sentence. The conversations crashed to an unsightly halt as I floundered, trying desperately to jumpstart my brain.

Keeping me just about bouyed is the industry feedback we’re now getting regarding Biffovision – and from the most unexpected of sources to boot. It’s a pleasing mixture of shock, appreciation, admiration, and envy (in that order). Biffovision seems to be the sort of show that people wish they were making, as well as watching. We just hope the right people are hearing similar things. I dunno. I really must shut-up about it now.

So, anyway, it has been a funny old week.

Still, new Doctor Who to look forward to tomorrow. That’s me in on Saturday nights for the next 13 weeks.

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Production Panic Instigated

28 February 2007, 16:13:00 | Biffo

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Confessions of a Chatroom Freak #2

13 November 2006, 11:54:10 | Biffo

++ CHAT SESSION BEGINS ++